14 August 2012

A Letter to Aviva: 16 months

Dear Aviva,

You run and dance and play with big kids. You sing and shake hands and ask "whas daa?" to everything. Your vocabulary is blossoming and you are no longer so afraid of the pool. You use your imagination for everything, making mama and papa horse kiss and making us wooden chicken soup, served up with love and your little ladle. You read to yourself quietly in the corner and give kisses (mmmmah) all the time. 

Your smile is still magical. Your snowy skin has turned summer gold and you look like the most precious doll. Wide-eyed, always smiling, and mischievous to the nth degree, you are mama's precious, precious girl.


Over this past month, Vivi has grown in most of her teeth but two or three. This early?! No wonder she's been a fussbutt. ;) This past week she said "apo" apple, "bebe" baby, "duhdee" dirty, amongst other equally adorable renditions of random English vocabulary. I was so proud to hear her repeat some letters of the alphabet on her own in her own funny way.

I love my liitle girl. <3

02 August 2012

The First Week of August

The last bloom of the season for this tree.

"The first week of August hangs at the very top of summer, the top of the live-long year, like the highest seat of a Ferris wheel when it pauses in its turning. The weeks that come before are only a climb from balmy spring, and those that follow a drop to the chill of autumn, but the first week of August is motionless, and hot. It is curiously silent, too, with blank white dawns and glaring noons, and sunsets smeared with too much color. Often at night there is lightning, but it quivers all alone."

 Natalie Babbitt, Tuck Everlasting

01 August 2012

The Good Ol' Days: Nitty, Gritty Blogging

Whatever happened to the good ol' days when blogs weren't driven by a quest for money and popularity? I remember the days of livejournal and the early days of non-google blogger, scribble.nu, and what have you. I miss the stress-free nonchalance about being able to blog about whatever you wanted (um, life) without being caught up in content-driven profit.

I love blogs with great content, but that doesn't just mean tutorials out of ones ears (most of which have been done. I don't say this to be scathing, I just say it amicable honesty. And let's be frank, I'm the only one here. ;))

Blogging as ones career is very rewarding I'm sure. But for those of us that want to have that option but post about our true selves, be them not so cookie-cutter perfect as the mommy bloggers of a-state-I-shall-not-name (again, these are blogs I follow, praise, and adore. I'm just being honest about the image put forth: flawless, stay-at-home-mother's other allllllll happen to be extraordinarily crafty, domestic, and with tempers of BAMBI). Dealing with depression, feelings of inadequacy on all fronts, racial identity issues, pressure of my beloved religion, and so on... these are things I deal with on a daily basis IN ADDITION to living gratefully with JOY. Life is a quest in which we learn about gratitude and contentment and let's face it: we aren't always perfect so let's not only show that face! Let's show our relatable human side. When you do, you have the support of your followers to back you up and help you through any negative points in your life. Blogging used to be about networking to make new, wonderful friendships that wouldn't be accessible to you otherwise, not acquiring the greatest number of unique hits.

I used to love photography. I used to love the gritty possibilities of documenting ones life. Honestly, instagram is more realistic than the perfectly posed and made-up mothers of the blogosphere. But feeling the pressure of trying to blend in (what a mistake :( Oh Lauren...), documenting life both photographically and journalistically became a stress.

And all of this hit me in the midst of a bad bout of depression. I simply couldn't write a post because the high school pressure hit me and I felt like why journal online anymore when it feels like I should be doing this for all to see but not have it show all of me the way a journal would? (Oh right, blogging = for the public now, journals = private these days.

I know this may sound silly and perhaps negative or complaining to you. Or maybe it resonates with you. But I will explain how digging my way to a more stable place in depression helped me begin to resolve my feelings on these matters.

To be continued...