17 August 2009

Ceiling seams

I adore Neils home. Joshua and I spent some time there this past weekend and I remembered my camera.


I have that late night hunger again. For major fooding. All while I had no appetite all day and felt queasy through a lot of it. Figures.

I wish my appetite was more stable.

Summertime clothes

Summer clothes
Originally uploaded by thelovemachines
Photographed a lot of Neil and Joshua today. :) Here's Neil outside of his home.


My mother asks me this as I sit at my Powerbook. "If you are just going to sit there on the computer, it's like you're not even here. Why bother coming back?" I mean, my GOODNESS, this from the woman who only sleeps and sits at the computer. Do I ask here why does she bother coming home because she does this? No.


Sorry I fell out of communication this past week. I went down to Joshua's without my Powerbook charger and I'm having iPhone troubles. Nail polish remover doesn't like my iPhone display. :( I'll do my best to catch up with all tomorrow. :) Sigh, today may have been my last day with Joshua before he goes back to LA. That time has come already. I'm so lonely when I think of it. I'm glad I spent a lot of time with Joshua this past week. I needed to feel comfort.


I've got so much on my mind, so much to plan and organize.

07 August 2009


I am now the proud owner of a Polaroid Spectra. <3 The Lord is good. :) lol Coliseum Swap Meet in Oakland is pretty cool, but Oakland is pretty scary, unless you're stoned. I also got Josh and I this Rogue and Gambit X-men comic from 1993. I left it for him on the seat of the car with a piece of paper that said "Happy forever <3.". And now I realize what a romantic man I would make. Amazing.

I have that Polaroid Spectra film just waiting to be used. Good, indeed.

Well, shabbat shalom. :D

06 August 2009


The girl couldn't balance and it affected everything.


Canon T2 Rebel, Fuji Xperia Film, Post in Photoshop CS. Taken September 2008.

05 August 2009


Today, I was so overwhelmed by unemployment that I kept sending myself to tears. So I called all of the places I was trying not to call again. I prayed a lot today. I got a call back from a place I applied to two months ago by calling them today and talking to the right people. And guess who called me back? The manager from my old place, who happened to transfer to this location where I now live. He said he pretty much absolutely wants me for a Full-Time position like the one I had before. I'm flattered. :) Because of Shabbat availability issues he said it may be some work convincing the manager to give me full-time but that he would try. And honestly, even if I don't get FT, I'll just keep living with my family and going to school too. But if I go back to doing this, I'm taking a break from school while I work and save, so I can afford school (which is the problem now). And then once I've got enough for rent and a deposit and some extra, I'm moving into a different apartment. I will always love my family, but I can't live with them easily. But wow, today.

Today is a great example of prayers being answered, simply. And I love it. B"H.


That was a nice thing, seeing another Jew with peyos around. It's nice seeing reaffirmations that me and Joshua aren't the only folks around NorCal that are into Orthodoxy. <3

So quiet

Something I'm working on. :)


Did I follow through with my daily plans and regimen? Yup, I did it! Fresh hair, early swim, solid davening, and a general pleasant day. Just had to leave the house a bit... my family is too loud, how do I put up it? Secondly, how did I become so quiet? Anyway, a good day. I'm surprised!

04 August 2009


Originally uploaded by inmost_light
This is from a community on Flickr called flocculence. The description goes as this:

think: muted light, warm beds, smooth skin and delicate things.)"

One of my favorite communities. I always find gems like this Holga shot by inmost_light. Surreal.

03 August 2009


New haircut! :)

There are things I think I need to start doing to help my day start better.

x Daven Shacharit and study some Torah first thing in the morning
x Eat a decent breakfast aka my great smoothie <3
x Exercise first thing in the morning

I figure if I'm occupied trying to keep up with something I'd be distracted a bit from my missing-Joshua-melancholy.

Things I need to work on in general?

x Davening regularly (and often more often)
x Updating journal (I'll feel solid for not missing a day)
x Creating something creative once a day (minus Shabbat obviously)

I feel like I've broken the strictness of my day since I stopped working for Apple, WC. I think that better breakfast, constant blogging/journaling, exercise, creativity, and Torah are the key to a solid day. I need the positive endorphins and the freshness of a morning swim to get my ready to daven maybe. I'll give it a try. :) After the cleanse of Tisha B'Av, I think it's a shame to waste this chance at a new beginning of some sort.


To be apart from him makes me feel lethargic and uninspired, with little desire to function. I feel heavy and still and I'd like to sleep. And sleep. And sleep.

I feel really pathetic. But I love being in love.

Just returned from Lafayette after two weeks there. I feel hollow.

I want to let him know that he is the most considerate, loving, and pious person I know and I worry these are things I don't let him know enough. The way he takes care of me... he's left a deep, loving impression on me this past year.


Listening to Neil Young - Will to Love.

02 August 2009

Eicha 1:2

"She weepeth sore in the night, and her tears are on her cheeks; she hath none to comfort her among all her lovers; all her friends have dealt treacherously with her, they are become her enemies." - אֵיכָה,1:2


Tisha B'Av: About Eicha - "It is said that Jeremiah retired to a cavern outside the Damascus gate, where he wrote this book. That cavern is still pointed out by tour guides. "In the face of a rocky hill, on the western side of the city, the local belief has placed 'the grotto of Jeremiah.' There, in that fixed attitude of grief which Michelangelo has immortalized, the prophet may well be supposed to have mourned the fall of his country."

Src: Mechon-Mamre.org and Wikipedia