29 December 2009

The Best

It appears I have the best friends you could find in the world. When I'm feeling hopeless and things feel desolate, they do things that shock me and distract me and make feel warm. They always take care of me, especially when I feel like don't deserve that sensitivity.


I seem to be blessed.


Thank you Stephanie, Erick, Josh. <3


Love.

22 December 2009

Bat for Lashes, Fader Magazine.

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I think that Bat for Lashes is probably on my favorite artists of all time list and that's a hard list to hop on. Others include Mew and The Mars Volta. These soft, lovely shots were taken for the Fader Magazine, Issue February 2009. I need to find out what these were shot with. I am assuming a toy camera of some sort, but which, I'm not sure. Maybe my Smena 8m could emulate some of the quality?

14 December 2009

Bat for Lashes, Daniel (Jools Holland Live).


Likely my favorite Bat for Lashes song, with a perfect performance. Note the make up? Eh? Eh? Snappy.

13 December 2009

Nerdimals

Trekkie Nerd


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Star Wars Nerd


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Mac Nerd


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There are twelve in total. Go check 'em out. I found that quite a few applied to myself, to be honest. ;)

10 December 2009

Dominic Clarke, untitled.

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Some of his more recent and less obvious work. I look at this and don't immediately think of his work and I think that is a wonderful compliment to his spontenaity.

09 December 2009

Buffalo '66, Christina Ricci + King Crimson, Moonchild



Witness Christina Ricci's utterly perfect dance scene in 1998's Buffalo '66 set to King Crimson's Moonchild. This song is the stuff my dreams look like.


Call her moonchild
Dancing in the shallows of a river
Lonely moonchild
Dreaming in the shadows of a willow.
Talking to the trees of the
cobweb strange
Sleeping on the steps of a fountain
Waving silver wands to the
night-birds song
Waiting for the sun on the mountain.

She's a moonchild
Gathering the flowers in a garden.
Lovely moonchild
Drifting in the echoes of the hours.
Sailing on the wind
in a milk white gown
Dropping circle stones on a sun dial
Playing hide and seek
with the ghosts of dawn
Waiting for a smile from a sun child.

08 December 2009

Aco and Múm, Machi.






xxx


I adore Múm so this was a pleasant surprise, a mix of two of my favorite things. Múm and the Japanese language.

07 December 2009

Troublenight, Ceiling.

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I'm always looking up, looking out for you.

06 December 2009

Monislawa, Pray for me.

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Black and whites that make me scream. Colors that make me moan.

05 December 2009

Mirona B-Side, Keep in touch.




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Keeping in touch. I think about this every single day that I'm separate from him.

04 December 2009

Oprisco, Independent free.

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Do you feel like you're in wonderland, or is it just me?

03 December 2009

Clara Larrea, Polaroid.

Clara Larrea


Clara Larrea


Clara Larrea


Whenever I look at Clara Larrea's photography, I think, "Wow, I wish I was with them." I'm pretty sure that qualifies as evocative photography if anything does.


Clara Larrea


Clara Larrea


Just hand over a camera or two and I'll go quietly.

02 December 2009

Monislawa. Losing Senses.

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long ride is long

Pleasant Thanksgiving at the residence of the man's parents! Spending time with someone you love is healing. I even drove him down and the drove myself back up again and so my butt hurts. I thought that was a poignant note.

01 November 2009

NaNoWriMo: Day 1

Word count for the day: 1706.

I finished before 12:00 PM! I hope this continues to go well. Stephanie got a lot done today! Yay! We wrote in front of the a roaring, massive fire. Now it's died down to crumbling embers, that shift every few minutes. I'm a little too warm; I kind of want to wash.

Not much to say besides this: I'm excited for NaNoWriMo.

31 October 2009

Nearly NaNo...

Shavua tov. And oh man, NaNoWriMo is almost hear. Scary! I hardly know what to do! I'm anxious and worried! I'm stuffing my face as a result! I hope all goes well! I don't have many more Van's wheatygrainy waffle things. That could be problematic.

29 October 2009

Notice

I put in my two weeks. Yet again.

It hasn't been easy working with rude, cliquish people. A manager that seems to have it out for me because I observe the Shabbat. A company that has me start at the bottom every time I transfer after having established myself at my previous stores in multiple fashions.

It isn't 100% awful, obviously. But I'm tired of wasting my time with the unpleasantness of retail. I feel unfulfilled. But to be honest, I'd feel more fulfilled if people were more welcoming and less rude. :( Too many people feel like their sass is justifiable. Where are the nice people in the world? Well, not to say there aren't nice people in the world because there are a couple of amazingly sweet, amiable people.

I so ready to feel fulfilled by a job.

Cathy bought me a pink skull onesie from the girls section of the store. ;) I'm 5'11" and I managed to fit. A salesperson at the mall told me I looked so young. "Oh yeah, that Korean in you, it makes you look young and cute and demure. Asians look young for a long time." Haha! I feel like a little kid. I always loved feeling like a little kid.

Really Awesome Song: Röyksopp, Dead to the World


In the dead of the night you seem closer to me.
The next day I wake up and know how unreal it is,
feeling so tense like I'm caught in a corner.
You can't speak but I hear you calling.
I come back for you.

I've been dead to the world and I've chosen to be
inside under pillows with marvels and wonder,
sedating my will to exist in the open.
I don't move but I keep on moving.
I'm only with you.

Röyksopp, Dead to the World

xxxx

My new Sookie and Eric song, too. ;)

18 October 2009

Best Sookie and Eric Quotes (SPOILER ALERT)

SPOILER ALERT (directed at Stephanie).

Eric: "We could go back to your house. I can stay with you always. We can know each other's bodies in every way, night after night. I could love you. I could work. You would not be poor. I would help you." Sookie: "Sounds like a marriage." Eric: "Yes"

Eric: "I hate having feelings."

Two of the best quotes pertaining to my favorite couple.

<3

16 October 2009

She wept with waking eyes

By this he knew she wept with waking eyes:
That, at his hand's light quiver by her head,
The strange low sobs that shook their common bed
Were called into her with a sharp surprise,
And strangled mute, like little gaping snakes,
Dreadfully venomous to him. She lay
Stone-still, and the long darkness flowed away
With muffled pulses. Then as midnight makes
Her giant heart of Memory and Tears
Drink the pale drug of silence, and so beat
Sleep's heavy measure, they from head to feet
Were moveless, looking through their dead black years.
By vain regret scrawled over the blank wall.
Like sculptured effigies they might be seen
Upon their marriage-tomb, the sword between;
Each wishing for the sword that severs all.

Excerpt from George Merediths "Modern Love"

09 October 2009

06 October 2009

Servants

"To accept the yoke of the Kingdom of Heaven is to throw off the yoke of human domination and dictatorship. 'You shall be servants unto Me,' said the Lord, "and not servants unto my servants."

If there was ever a simple sentence to explain why Jesus isn't legitimate, there it is. HaShem is pretty clear. Rabbi Chaim HaLevy Donin nailed it. (no pun intended)

Stolen, Relapse

Yes, I'm not always clever. I stopped using an email address, one that I forgot was tied to my domain name thelovemachines.com. Well, someone camped it and when it expired, they got it. :( So... one day later, enter thelovemachines.net. Oy.

You know, here I am trying to focus on my NaNoWriMo 2009. But I'm distracted! Stephanie and Joshua suggested I take up Warcraft again, so here I am. I'm Termina on Bronzebeard at the moment, if you are playing. My goal is to get this character to 55 this month. I guess I'll have to start playing fiercely tonight. ;) Although, I really want to play on a PVP server again!

05 October 2009

ספר רזיאל המלאך (Sefer Raziel HaMalach)

People understand my last name, Rosier, as "rosebush" in French. That it is. But the other, truer origin? Rosier is also known in some Christian sense as a fallen angel of the second dominion. Rosier is also known as Rosiel. The name Rosiel comes from the Hebrew "Raziel", who is one of HaShems archangels. He is famous for the masterpiece of confusion formulas and text in Sefer Raziel HaMalach, that he revealed to Adam HaRishon. He gave Adam and Chava the key to creation. It's one of those difficult to understand, barely commented on pieces of Jewish literature, as mystic as The Zohar and Sefir Yetzirah. I'm purely amazed right now at the awesomeness of it.

While in an amazing sukkah, a small copy was found inside of the basket of benchers. Apparently it's like a charm to carry around with you. Simply amazed. :)

If you want to read more about it, here is the wiki article.

01 October 2009

Like A Sunset

Finally, more of Pitchfork's obsession with Animal Collective! And the article is hardly about Pheonix, the band being remixed by Animal Collective. Well, I guess it's fair. I have an inappropriate passion for their wailing too. <3

17 August 2009

Ceiling seams

I adore Neils home. Joshua and I spent some time there this past weekend and I remembered my camera.

xxx


I have that late night hunger again. For major fooding. All while I had no appetite all day and felt queasy through a lot of it. Figures.

I wish my appetite was more stable.

Summertime clothes


Summer clothes
Originally uploaded by thelovemachines
Photographed a lot of Neil and Joshua today. :) Here's Neil outside of his home.

xxx

My mother asks me this as I sit at my Powerbook. "If you are just going to sit there on the computer, it's like you're not even here. Why bother coming back?" I mean, my GOODNESS, this from the woman who only sleeps and sits at the computer. Do I ask here why does she bother coming home because she does this? No.

xxx

Sorry I fell out of communication this past week. I went down to Joshua's without my Powerbook charger and I'm having iPhone troubles. Nail polish remover doesn't like my iPhone display. :( I'll do my best to catch up with all tomorrow. :) Sigh, today may have been my last day with Joshua before he goes back to LA. That time has come already. I'm so lonely when I think of it. I'm glad I spent a lot of time with Joshua this past week. I needed to feel comfort.

xxx

I've got so much on my mind, so much to plan and organize.

07 August 2009

Spectra

I am now the proud owner of a Polaroid Spectra. <3 The Lord is good. :) lol Coliseum Swap Meet in Oakland is pretty cool, but Oakland is pretty scary, unless you're stoned. I also got Josh and I this Rogue and Gambit X-men comic from 1993. I left it for him on the seat of the car with a piece of paper that said "Happy forever <3.". And now I realize what a romantic man I would make. Amazing.

I have that Polaroid Spectra film just waiting to be used. Good, indeed.

Well, shabbat shalom. :D

06 August 2009

Tripped



The girl couldn't balance and it affected everything.


xxx

Canon T2 Rebel, Fuji Xperia Film, Post in Photoshop CS. Taken September 2008.

05 August 2009

Coincidences

Today, I was so overwhelmed by unemployment that I kept sending myself to tears. So I called all of the places I was trying not to call again. I prayed a lot today. I got a call back from a place I applied to two months ago by calling them today and talking to the right people. And guess who called me back? The manager from my old place, who happened to transfer to this location where I now live. He said he pretty much absolutely wants me for a Full-Time position like the one I had before. I'm flattered. :) Because of Shabbat availability issues he said it may be some work convincing the manager to give me full-time but that he would try. And honestly, even if I don't get FT, I'll just keep living with my family and going to school too. But if I go back to doing this, I'm taking a break from school while I work and save, so I can afford school (which is the problem now). And then once I've got enough for rent and a deposit and some extra, I'm moving into a different apartment. I will always love my family, but I can't live with them easily. But wow, today.

Today is a great example of prayers being answered, simply. And I love it. B"H.

xxx

That was a nice thing, seeing another Jew with peyos around. It's nice seeing reaffirmations that me and Joshua aren't the only folks around NorCal that are into Orthodoxy. <3

So quiet




Something I'm working on. :)

xxx

Did I follow through with my daily plans and regimen? Yup, I did it! Fresh hair, early swim, solid davening, and a general pleasant day. Just had to leave the house a bit... my family is too loud, how do I put up it? Secondly, how did I become so quiet? Anyway, a good day. I'm surprised!

04 August 2009

Flocculence



Originally uploaded by inmost_light
This is from a community on Flickr called flocculence. The description goes as this:

"(soft/light/milky/opaque/comforting/fluffy/creamy/pale/sleepy/delicate/soft!
think: muted light, warm beds, smooth skin and delicate things.)"

One of my favorite communities. I always find gems like this Holga shot by inmost_light. Surreal.

03 August 2009

Regimen




New haircut! :)


There are things I think I need to start doing to help my day start better.

x Daven Shacharit and study some Torah first thing in the morning
x Eat a decent breakfast aka my great smoothie <3
x Exercise first thing in the morning

I figure if I'm occupied trying to keep up with something I'd be distracted a bit from my missing-Joshua-melancholy.

Things I need to work on in general?

x Davening regularly (and often more often)
x Updating journal (I'll feel solid for not missing a day)
x Creating something creative once a day (minus Shabbat obviously)

I feel like I've broken the strictness of my day since I stopped working for Apple, WC. I think that better breakfast, constant blogging/journaling, exercise, creativity, and Torah are the key to a solid day. I need the positive endorphins and the freshness of a morning swim to get my ready to daven maybe. I'll give it a try. :) After the cleanse of Tisha B'Av, I think it's a shame to waste this chance at a new beginning of some sort.

Apart


To be apart from him makes me feel lethargic and uninspired, with little desire to function. I feel heavy and still and I'd like to sleep. And sleep. And sleep.

I feel really pathetic. But I love being in love.


Just returned from Lafayette after two weeks there. I feel hollow.

I want to let him know that he is the most considerate, loving, and pious person I know and I worry these are things I don't let him know enough. The way he takes care of me... he's left a deep, loving impression on me this past year.



xxx

Listening to Neil Young - Will to Love.

02 August 2009

Eicha 1:2

"She weepeth sore in the night, and her tears are on her cheeks; she hath none to comfort her among all her lovers; all her friends have dealt treacherously with her, they are become her enemies." - אֵיכָה,1:2





xxx






Tisha B'Av: About Eicha - "It is said that Jeremiah retired to a cavern outside the Damascus gate, where he wrote this book. That cavern is still pointed out by tour guides. "In the face of a rocky hill, on the western side of the city, the local belief has placed 'the grotto of Jeremiah.' There, in that fixed attitude of grief which Michelangelo has immortalized, the prophet may well be supposed to have mourned the fall of his country."



Src: Mechon-Mamre.org and Wikipedia

31 July 2009

Tisha B'Av

Yesterday was my first Tisha B'Av. For those of you unaware of the meaning, it is a Jewish mourning holiday that involves a sunset to sunset fasting period. The book of the Tanach it relates to is Eicha. In English it's known as Lamentations, but Eicha means "How?". Wiki says,

"According to the Mishnah (Taanit 4:6), the day commemorates five events: the destruction of the Temples, the return of the twelve scouts sent by Moses to observe the land of Canaan, the razing of Jerusalem following the siege of Jerusalem in 70 CE, and the failure of Bar Kokhba's revolt against the Roman Empire."

For me, I understand the destruction of the First and Second Temples and the return of the displeased scouts sent by Moshe, and know less about the Bar Kokhba's revolt. Nonetheless, it was a sobering holiday. It was my first full-day fast and also my first holiday at a Synagogue. This was probably a more positive experience going to shul than my last. I felt like the Rabbi at this Chabad was genuinely interested in knowing the people that set f ot in that shul. As I was leaving, the front door, the Rabbi was talking to somebody and he was blocking the way out just a bit (I just typed 'blogging' not 'blocking'; you see where my mind is after a fast). So I said excuse me and made to leave. As I was leaving the property he waved back and wished me a great evening. When I was waiting outside by the car, a man drove by (I assume he was talking to the Rabbi at that time). He stopped near me and hopped out of the car. He approached me to say something along the lines of, "hey! How was Eicha for you? The Rabbi wanted to let you know that he regretted not getting a chance to talk to you and meet you while you were there. Did you plan on coming back sometime soon? Really? Great! The Rabbi will be pleased." Yes, it was approximately like that. I wasn't actually offended as I understand greetings are usually taboo on Tisha B'Av, so he need not worry. :) It was probably the best experience I had so far in the Jewish community and it was hard to not be cheerful afterwards. But you know me, finding something to be sad about is a talent for me, so I was soon back to sadface. ;) I mean, I had never had a Rabbi wish he could have talked to me more or a Rabbi express a desire for me to return somewhere. That demonstrates something very key to me. No rabbis I have talked about conversion to ever seem to have time for counseling me. In fact, I never get to talk to my rabbi (mine, meaning down the street from my current abode) as he seems to always be too busy. If there was a man that I would want to be a witness or mentor to my conversion, it would be that Rabbi from the Chabad.

"The five main prohibitions on Tisha B'Av are:

1. No eating or drinking
2. No washing or bathing
3. No application of creams or oils
4. No wearing of leather shoes
5. No sexual relations. Some refrain from any displays of physical affection"


Rough day. Too that list I would also add "No being cheerful". :) I didn't have any non-leather shoe available in Lafayette, so I had to borrow Jaci's. She's a lot nicer than I'd ever imagined the younger sister of a boyfriend to actually be. That's something to be thankful for. And now that Tisha B'Av has passed, I can be happy about that.